|
My gift to the world:
How to get ahead
of others
| |
|
Two warnings:
(1) This procedure is carried out in close proximity to its victims, so be wary of physical retribution if you try it.
(2) Don't do it often in the same place.
In the early 1960s, I frequently went ice skating in Edgewood Park in New Haven, Connecticut. Next to the skating rink was a buliding with rest rooms, and a snack bar, and a place where you could rent skates or change into your own skates.
The snack bar was quite popular, and there were often crowds of people waiting for sandwiches and hot drinks. One of my basic rules is that nothing is worth waiting for — especially important things — so I devised a technique for moving up to the front so I could get my hot chocolate with minimum delay. Since people were standing in a mob, rather than in a real line, I did not feel guilty about cutting ahead, like in a line for movie tickets. On the other hand, I seldom feel guilty aout anything.
I'd walk backwards toward the crowd with my arms spread out like Charlton Heston playing Moses in The Ten Commandments.
I'd loudly proclaim, "Wheelchair coming through, make way, please make way," and the crowd would part just like the Red Sea did when the Egyptians were chasing the Israelites. I'd have a clear path to the food counter, while people looked past me to try to spot the unfortunate invalid who never arrived.
I also found a good way to get out of the crowd after the purchase. I'd assume the reverse-Moses position again, and this time I'd announce, "Make way. Make way. Hot coffee coming through, Make way. Make way." The sea would part again.
I said "coffee" even though I was carrying hot chocolate in one of my outstretched arms, because coffee sounded more threatening than chocolate.
|
|
|
